4 Ways Being a Submissive Wife Does NOT Mean Being a Doormat

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2. Letting Your Husband Be Your Leader

Letting your husband lead doesn't mean you aren't a good leader. Letting your husband lead doesn't mean he's better at leading than you are. Letting your husband lead doesn't mean you don't get to voice your opinion or try to influence your husband's decisions.

This means that you must recognize that the Lord placed your husband in a leadership role within the context of your marriage. You were not intended to blindly follow your husband; you were intended to stand by his side, encourage him, and help him fulfill the role he's been given.

Ephesians 5:23 tells us that "the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church." Again, this is a high calling. It does not tell wives to be silent and act like subordinates. It tells wives to recognize the weighty responsibility their husbands have been given.

Wives, don't be fooled into thinking you should walk a step behind your husband. You have a weighty responsibility of your own—to stand next to your husband and encourage him to be the man you know he can be. You can help him in his leadership efforts by lovingly guiding, supporting, and, ultimately, following his lead.

3. Letting Your Husband Be Your Provider

Letting your husband be your provider doesn't mean you aren't a vital part of what makes your family thrive. In some homes, the wife makes more money than the husband, or she carries the much-needed insurance through her work. Letting your husband be your provider doesn't mean you aren't also providing.

What this does mean is that your husband is responsible to God to work hard and provide for his family's needs in a way that allows all of you to thrive physically, mentally, and spiritually. In other words, being the provider for your family is more than just providing money to meet basic needs.

1 Timothy 5:8 says, "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

This tells me that husbands and wives are both meant to be providers. But when we look at Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her," we see husbands being called to a higher provision.

Wives, don't feel you have nothing to contribute to your family by acknowledging that your husband is the provider. Ultimately, our Lord is the provider for us all. And just as we praise God for his provisions for the church, we should praise our husbands as they strive to make provisions for our family in the likeness of the Lord.

4. Letting Your Husband's Needs Come First

Putting your husband's needs before your own doesn't mean your needs never get met. This doesn't mean you wait on your husband hand and foot or that your rest and relaxation are an afterthought or nonexistent.

This means that out of love and respect for the Lord and your husband, his needs come before your own, when possible. And, if your husband is living out Ephesians 5:25, he will strive to put your needs first, and you will find yourselves trying to outdo one another in service and good deeds.

Ephesians 2:3-4 tells us: "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others." This is a call to husbands and wives alike.

Wives, understanding this concept should afford you the freedom to ask for your own needs to be met. If your husband understands this concept, he will eagerly wait for the opportunity to meet your needs. Understanding this concept should allow you to joyfully meet your husband's needs first, when possible, knowing you are honoring the Lord in sacrificial service.

Marriage can be difficult, even under the best of circumstances. But when a wife feels she is called to be a doormat rather than a co-laborer with her husband, marriage can seem like a curse rather than a blessing. If you struggle in this area because of faulty teaching, please seek wise counsel from a trusted friend, pastor, or elder. The Lord did not place you in the blessed position of wifehood for you to feel downcast and to live as a doormat.

In his grace, the Lord provided a husband for you so that your marriage would mirror his love for the church. Your Heavenly Father wants you to support your husband as he strives to live out his calling to love you as Christ loves the church. And he wants your cup to overflow with blessings as you and your husband both joyfully strive to mirror Christ.

Related:

What Is Submission in Marriage?

What Submission Is Not